“Mum, I needed that.”
My youngest said this to me in the car, and I wasn’t expecting it. I’d just picked her and her sister up from a casual meetup with Start With a Friend (SWAF), a group that pairs migrants with locals to build actual friendships. I hadn’t gone myself that day, but I’d asked them to check it out. She’s not usually one to open up like that, so when she did, I was pleasantly surprised.
She told me they talked… Really talked. She said things she usually keeps to herself, and nobody made her feel weird about it. She didn’t have to second-guess every word or worry she’d overshared.
I’ve always believed in the power of community. Back home, I was part of mental health awareness groups for women, business collectives, even a fitness group called ShapeUp where we worked out and laughed together. It was never just about me; I wanted to be there for other women, be someone they could count on.
When I moved to Germany, I still wanted that same connection. Maybe even more than before. So I started looking for it again. I joined women’s business groups, professional circles here in Bonn, EmpowerHer. I went to a job fair once and told a coach I was trying to network and volunteer. She suggested Rotary and connected me with one of the Bonn international executives. I ended up at a clean-up day by the Rhine. That’s a whole other story, but you get the idea. I kept trying. I kept showing up, looking for people who understood what it’s like. Looking for a way to be useful again, to help people the way I used to.
Then someone at one of those gatherings mentioned Start With a Friend.
The idea is simple: bring migrants and locals together and let them actually become friends. Not through some stiff integration program, but through hanging out and getting to know each other. It reminded me of what I’ve been trying to build with Rooted Routes. A place where people can connect, share their stories, and not feel so alone.
So I signed up. And I asked my daughters to join too.
They didn’t resist, didn’t really show excitement either. Mum’s word is final anyway, at least for now. But I had a feeling it would be good for them, even if they didn’t know it yet.
The first official SWAF meeting happened just over a week before the casual meetup. People came from everywhere: Yemen, Syria, Egypt, Morocco, Iran, Colombia, Mexico, Germany. We sat in circles, awkward at first, then people started actually talking. SWAF had this speed-dating kind of setup where you moved around every few minutes and told bits of your story to someone new. People opened up faster than I thought they would.
A week later, when my daughters went to that casual meetup and came back lighter, I understood why.
That’s why SWAF matters.
When people say it’s hard to make friends in Germany, they’re not exaggerating. Many locals already have their social circles from school or university, groups they’ve known for years. And as a migrant, you’re often on the edges. Attending things, observing, but not fully inside. You’re there, but you’re not quite part of it.
SWAF creates a bridge. It does it with kindness and respect. It says, “Let’s actually get to know each other,” and means it.
My daughter needed that. I think a lot of us do.
For anyone trying to find their place here, I hope you find something like this too. Or maybe you become that for someone else. Maybe it starts with a friend, and maybe that friend is you.
